Honestly there are so many women in my life I could write about and their positive influence on me but I’m gonna get a little personal on this one. Give you a glimpse on how I fare in relationships. As I said in my first post about perspective, its everything especially with a humble and serving heart. With perspective you can find the most valuable lessons from the worst of situations. This lady friend influenced me without really trying to, but God worked behind the scenes.
Ok I’ll try to do this in less than 1’000 words (deep breath and…)
GO!
So, My friend says, “Travis I have a friend at work and she is so beautiful, seriously and she loves God will all her heart. I want you to meet her!” Everyone has the friend that always tries to play hookup, right? So she invites this friend to my church and after service I catch a glimpse of this girl as she is standing next to my friend. Not wanting to be rude, I shake her hand smile and leave the church immediately (there is a game plan here). Actually I just had to get to my graveyard shift at Wally World (Walmart). Immediately when I get in my car I exclaim from the top of my lungs “Wow! That girl was beautiful, incredibly beautiful, oh my gosh” I won’t give any descriptions just know she had it going on, indeed. Okay fast forward so I can tell you how we lived happily ever after, but … that’s not the story. I met her a second time at a small young adults bible study, she talked about the love of God, shed some tears in prayer and I was like “hmm by George I think I’m interested in this gal!” So, we begin to talk, then we both set boundaries and all that good stuff and defined our friendship to the tee (me more than her, gotta guard the heart). The coolest think was telling her “I hate being infatuated so I ask you be 100% with me as I am with you.” She had no problem doing this because she was as real as I was, and I liked that.
I’m not into being that guy that spends 2 years with the girl he doesn’t marry and ends up broken hearted. I have a 3 month rule sorta kinda; one month to get over the stupid infatuation, one month to test, and one month to decide. Ladies reading this are saying…”and that’s why you’re single.” Ok nearly half way to the 1,000 words mark, gotta cut to the chase. We talked for roughly 4 months, and called it quits after a little argument. This argument in which I learned woman do not want to get to conclusions in a pragmatic A to B format. The more I pressed to solve the problem the more angered and closed she became, and I live on drawing conclusions and fixing things in the now (that was hard). So, long story short we ended our friendship safe and sound, although I still tried to talk and talk about what happened to draw that conclusion. We completely cut ties and “live and let live” as she put it. But here is how she influenced me and helped me learn a lot about myself without really trying to.
She was also about 4 years older than me (always have liked older women, not “old” women:) plus she had a daughter who was 3 years old. She has a good career, aspirations, and could hold a conversation. Great qualities, good girl but I knew God had the final say. One night I had a dream and she was with me at a hotel with her family. As me and her family were leaving the hotel she vanished and left with someone. As we loaded the car ready to leave she came out of nowhere, got in the car and hung her head in shame. After this dream I woke up with the word “Illusive, she is illusive.” I was grieved almost the whole day because I knew the Holy Sprit wanted me to talk to her about it but I didn’t have complete understanding in words. 15 minutes before she reaches my apartment I begin to type the interpretation of the dream on my laptop. She arrives, sit down, small talk and I get to the dream. As I read the interpretation tears started rolling down her cheek, I read the words as if right from her heart. I explained what the dream meant and she needed healing from past hurts, thus she was not ready to date, as I was neither.
With full knowledge this girl was broken it almost made me want to pursue her more even though I told her we couldn’t date, why? It’s the whole wanting to be a fixer, knowing the one whom indwelled me had the solutions. I knew I was not to pursue her but it was like the ministry side of me wanted to, for the shear fact she was broken? It was a weird feeling and I juggled emotions in my head and heart while my spirit jumped in to bring balance between the two. Illusive described this girls ability to possibly leave me when I attached my heart to her, thus why she seemed to disappear in my dream in addition to two other dreams. She couldn’t be grasped or held onto, she offered me devotion in my dream but could slip away from me in a moment. Why am I telling my business like this?
I woke up time after time to pray for her and her heart. I woke up in the wee hours of the night wondering why I couldn’t get this girl off my mind, I said “God I’m done with her, why is she on my mind!?”
Then I heard the questions, “Would you invest your love into someone that was broken?”
“Would you dare to invest your heart into someone that could break it in a moments time?”
Would you invest you love into something with full knowledge that you ran the risk of being hurt? Would it prevent you from loving that person?”
All I could say was, “wow, God I, I, I, didn’t, see that. “ It was like God has let me experience His heart for a while and see the way He sees. To have the solutions to fix the brokenness yet not able to at times, and even when there is a chance to fix it, there is a chance to be hurt. This changed my view of love being safe, not the God kind of love, it goes against all odds. I didn’t pursue this girl any longer but she led me to a great revelation without even knowing. I experienced the heart of God in a different way that night and it completely changed my view of Love.
Would you invest your heart into someone that was broken? I know someone who did…
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners (broken, illusive, dangerous) Christ died for us… (Romans 5:8 NKJV)
“Set me as a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave; It’s flames are flames of fire. A most vehement flame.
Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love all the wealth of his house would be utterly despised.”
(Songs of Solomon 8:6,7 NKJV)
You won’t relent until You have it all My heart is Yours
I’ll set You as a seal upon my heart As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
Many waters cannot quench this love
Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one…
This song captures the ferociousness of Gods love for us and completely set my love for God ablaze this year. Many times when we think of love we get the picture that everything is peaceful and love just happens naturally uninterrupted. I find love to sometimes to be one of the greatest fights known to man. This song went above my love alone for God; it shed light on the nature of His love and how He will stop at nothing to have my heart. Listening to this song constantly evoked images of God going to extreme measures to gain the love of a stubborn people, generation after generation. The words “you won’t relent” struck me to the core of my heart, and revealed how far God was willing to go to gain my love.
I envisioned the Children of Israel and the many signs and wonders God did in their sight all for the purpose of fellowshipping with them in love. I pictured God thinking on his throne, crossing out ideas, planning solutions to gain the hearts of a people disillusioned by lies and temporary gratification. After generations and generations of disappointments, anger, wrath, even fighting his own justice to destroy all mankind and just start over; He finds a solution. He finds the one solution that would trump any and every act of love between man and God. In His relentless pursuit of my love He determines to give his most prized possession, His invaluable son, who has never left his side from eternity past. With this act of love He sends a clear message to His Angels and adversaries in the heavens, on earth, and in hell below how serious He is about this creation. He has been creating for all of eternity past but this… mankind he has created is different and He wants them to know he would go to any length to gain their love.
So in His greatest act of love and His last effort He radically sends his one and only son, and suffers a separation He has NEVER experienced. He subjects His son, a king and His equal to suffers as a murderer, a thief, a liar, an adulterer, and a common criminal in hopes of gaining the love of a nearly lost creation. This was His relentless pursuit that would stop at nothing until love was quenched. This is a love that would reach to the farthest parts of the sea and the highest heights of heaven. This is a love that would reach into the deepest depths, the very bowels of hell without counting the cost. This, my friend is the God kind of love (Agape) that infiltrated my heart one evening in my room. I was overwhelmed by my trials, over my head in bills and facing many issues, I was praying face down, listening to this song then;
God spoke to me “If I would go to such extremes to gain your love, how much more will I sustain and protect you in the midst of your trials? If I did not relent in gaining your love, how much further will I go to keep it? Trust me and trust my love!!”
His voice evoked the deepest repentance in my wavering heart, I repented for my lack of trust and the joy of the lord filled me in my room. His joy and love sustained me through the end of my trials to the point I enjoyed the pressure of my trials and the growth it was producing in me. If your facing anything or have lacked the passion you once enjoyed when you first came to know Christ allow Gods unrelenting love access to your heart, mind, soul, and abilities. Nothing can stand in the way of such a fierce love; He won’t relent, so let this same mind be in you. Determine nothing will cause you to stop fiercely loving God and abhorring all that is contrary to that love. He won’t relent until He has it all…
“Hang my locket around your neck, wear my ring on your finger. Love is invincible facing danger and death. Passion laughs at the terrors of hell. The fire of love stops at nothing— it sweeps everything before it. 7 Floodwaters can’t drown love, torrents of rain can’t put it out. Love can’t be bought, love can’t be sold— it’s not to be found in the marketplace.”
So this will be my second attempt at posting some of this material due to Word Press freaking out on me (*sigh*)
Digital sighs just don’t give the real thing any justice but nonetheless the show must go on.
This will be the first post of many topics introduced to me by a friend who’s site you can visit @ http://iloveyoutwelve.com She is indeed random but tells great stories.
Here are the words that have defined my year and that I used consistently.
† Perspective
This year has indefinitely been one of the most challenging years of my life. This year I have witnessed some of my greatest successes, yet it seemed to have evoked failure to knock harder and try to force entry into my life as well. Being a young man in ministry, working and a host of other things perspective is imperative! Perspective is the very word I have built this site upon as well as my entire life and the production thereof. I was dealing with a trials this year that fought my better judgement for control of my emotions to make decisions. I remember asking God, “why is this happening to me?” He immediately replied to me, “Where are you looking from?” This is why when you visit my site you will see those words in my sidebar. Those words the Lord spoke to me set the framework and the foundation I have and will build the rest of my life on. Perspective is the determining factor why some succumb to the pressures of life and others use that same pressure to propel them into success. Perspective created for me the ability to get the best out of every situation, even the bad ones. Therefore I always win even when my circumstances seem contrary to victory.
† Integrity
I am consistently proclaiming to myself “I shall be a man of integrity, I shall be a man of integrity!” Being a man of my word is of utter importance to me and conducting my life parallel to what I say is serious business. This year I have come into situations where my integrity was placed under review and I had to accept mistakes I made without accepting defeat. Anytime I do something contrary to what I say I repent to God and if anyone is hurt I apologize to them, fix what I can fix and go on. I don’t camp out on past mistakes to satisfy someone elses need for vengeance or appeasement, even if I was in the wrong. Change what you can through prayer and action to the best of your ability and rest knowing you did all you could, don’t sweat what you can’t change.
† Circumspect
This word falls in line with my integrity as well and came to me in prayer with my pastor one evening. I was pacing and praying one day with my pastor and I began to pray about walking worthy of my calling, walking circumspectly. I prayed that I would never enter a situation I had not already been prepared for beforehand by the spirit of God. As the scriptures state, “guard your heart with all diligence” I would weigh the consequences of every action to ensure the name I represent is not mischaracterized by my conduct. I chose not to go certain places and associate with certain people because of the name that I proclaim. Walking circumspectly gave me the ability to almost walk ahead of a situation to the end before actually entering into it. This includes every area of life, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, relationships, and many more circumstances.
† Perseverance
I was told, “when the going gets tough, get going!” and that is what I did this year. I could not describe in few words the amount of things that went wrong this year. I lost my job, my car, my first apartment, and some friends but that did not stop me from moving forward. It seemed like everything that could have gone wrong was going wrong and God was the coach on the sidelines yelling instructions without intervening so I could get it for myself. I knew God was not punishing me but I knew He wanted me to grow through the circumstances and learn and apply His principles in the midst of turmoil. Anyone can follow God when all is going well in their lives, but trials locate you. I always remember in tough situations, “if your willing to stand forever you won’t stand long!” There is something in me, or should I say there is someone in me that cannot fail and refuses to accept quitting as an option. I had plenty of opportunities to move away and take an easier route but I refused to give in to circumstances and create alternatives because I did not have the guts to stand and fight.
As a testament to God’s goodness and His ability to fulfill His promises I have more jobs than I have ever had in my life and possibly made more money this month than the 5 months I was unemployed. I will be able to make a couple thousand dollars selling my car after having it 2 and a half years, I sold it for more than I paid for it initially. Buying a motorcycle next year and a car soon, as well as an apartment in january. God is increasing me in almost every area of my life that was decreasing, so I’m grateful for the trials I persevered through this year and I’m looking forward to more in the future
A friend of mine began a 22 day writing challenge and encouraged me to embark on the writing journey with her. The thought of the challenge sounded cool but I knew it would take devotion to write consistently, nonetheless I accepted. Below are the titles I will be writing on for the next 22 days (or try). Read them, leave a comment, share, or just rate the post at the bottom. First post coming later today, To Be Continued… (for 22 days) God Bless
22 POSTS OVER 22 DAYS
1. Recap on my words of 2010.
2.Songs that changed my life.
3.Most influential women in my life.
4.Favorite restaurants.
5.Most embarrassing moments.
6.Most influential men in my life.
7.Food that I tried for the first time.
8.New places I visited.
9.People I am looking forward to getting to know.
10.Things I have changed.
11.Favorite adventure.
12.Favorite movies.
13.Names I have come to love.
14.Something I miss.
15.Best gift I have received.
16.Favorite silly picture.
17.Favorite funny video.
18.What I learned the most.
19.Someone I am proud of.
20.Favorite concert I attended.
21.Favorite things I purchased.
22. Things I am looking forward to in 2011.
